REVIEW: This Star Won't Go Out

"Love, intensity, value, passion, rejection, hope, care, failure, joy.  What life throws at us never makes sense.   Thinks we're at life's dispense.  How long we wait for life to change us.  The weight of death, the weight of fear.  The burden of stress, the pain is here.  Never to know, never to guess, never to know, how much mess.  Do not show care, do not have love, do not feel joy, or you may change." - Esther Grace Earl 

Pretty much anyone who knows me will tell you there's always some book I'm in the middle of reading.  And I will (eventually) finish said book.  It doesn't matter if I don't like the book, I hate the feeling of leaving something unfinished.  Now, I will admit - there's no way on earth I could possibly remember the name or even the plot of every book I've ever read.  There are, however, several books that I couldn't forget if I tried.  I hesitate to call them my "favorite" books, because how can you pick a favorite? I love so many books for so many different reasons.  There's of course the Harry Potter series, The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls, Looking for Alaska by John Green and The Giver by Lois Lowry.

 

Note: this is just a sampling of books in my "favorites" category

The other day I was with Costco, and while Kelsey (my sister) went to find food samples, I made my way to the book section and immediately picked up This Star Won't Go Out.  Now, several weeks ago I watched a livestream where John Green read the introduction (which he wrote), to the book, and while I'd forgotten about it, it was on the note of my phone of "BOOKS TO READ".

I can honestly say that Esther Grace Earl wrote something makes several of my "favorites" seem inadequate by comparison.

BN.com's synopsis:

In full color and illustrated with art and photographs, this is a collection of the journals, fiction, letters, and sketches of the late Esther Grace Earl, who passed away in 2010 at the age of 16. Essays by family and friends help to tell Esther’s story along with an introduction by award-winning author John Green who dedicated his #1 bestselling novel The Fault in Our Stars to her.

I think the first time I cried while reading a book (it doesn't happen often) was when I read Sirius' death in Harry Potter and the Order of The Phoenix.  While reading This Star Won't Go Out, I full out gross-sobbed several times.

But that's not what I want to talk about.  Because the point of this book wasn't the fact that a young girl tragically died of cancer, but rather a young girl thrived and lived and was a human despite the fact that her life was cut short.

“Just be happy, and if you can't be happy, do things that make you happy. Or do nothing with the people that make you happy.”  - Esther Grace Earl

Through both her journal entries and letters to her parents, Esther Grace Earl managed to portray a distinct voice.  She was quirky, honest, religious and scared and she bore it all through her refreshing and tbh (to be honest) incredible strength.  She wrote about her fights with her sisters, her fears for her brothers' futures and her guilt of causing her parents stress.  She loved Harry Potter and wrock (wizard rock), was a proud nerdfighter and became a YouTuber.  She was FUNNY.

Despite her human flaws, Esther was strong.  She expressed optimism for those around her, while still accepting her impending death.  She never pitied herself, but rather yearned to do more with her life - not for herself, but for others.

"I do hope that when the day comes, whether in 1, 10, or 100 years, I don’t want you to think of me and feel sad." - Esther Grace Earl

Having read The Fault in Our Stars, a book by John Green dedicated to Esther, I expected Esther to be the real-life version of main character Hazel Grace.  This was not the case.  Esther's story wasn't a love story between two young teens, she didn't receive miracles - she was real.

"One day I realized, without God, nothing matters. So, I asked Him into my heart" - Esther Grace Earl

As for the book itself, it was physically beautiful.  With pages color-coated to signify Esther's writings, letters from family and friends, and her parents' LiveJournal entries, it was also littered with little doodles and drawings by Esther herself.

Esther was a writer.  She wanted to see her writing in print, and while she did not live to see this happen, she accomplished her goal.  She always wanted to help others, and she is, with a foundation started in her honor.

The last section of This Star Won't Go Out, is a collection of some of Esther's (unfinished) fictional stories.  And while some of it was clearly written while she was still developing a style and maturing, it's clear that if she had been given the chance, Esther would have written several novels.  While I admit, I wasn't expecting to find these fictional stories at the end, and think of them as very separate from the rest of the book, I'm glad they were included.

SO..rambling review over.

Do I recommend?  YES YES YES!

Things to Remember While Reading: Esther's was practically a child writing about her life.  OH and have tissues at the ready.

Favorite Quotes: 
“If one person sits down at their computer one day and types one word, dose that affect the future? If that one person didn't type that one word, would the future's history be changed? Dose their one word even mean anything? Dose my one (times a lot) word mean anything? Dose that one person's one word even get read-once? If I wasn't sitting here writing my words, would my future be different?” - Esther Grace Earl

"“We live in a world defined by its boundaries: You cannot travel faster than the speed of light. You must and will die. You cannot escape these boundaries. But the miracle and hope of human consciousness is that we can still conceive of boundlessness.” - John Green (introduction)

Rating: 10/10

Alaskan Adventures

Last Thursday I woke to an email from my mom asking if I wanted to go to Alaska.  In two days.  Spontaneous adventure? Yes, please.  What prompted the adventure? Well my mom's cousin has been organizing ski trips for ages (since my mom was in college).  And this year, my mom was going again for the first time in a long time with two of her siblings and a bunch of my older cousins.  So when someone on the trip cancelled last minute, I hopped on board.

So less than 24 hours after being asked, I had left Wake Forest University and had landed in New York, to spend one night at home in Connecticut before leaving for Alaska the next afternoon.  By the time we landed in Anchorage, it was 3am EST (11pm in Anchorage).  So needless to say, I quickly fell asleep after we got to Alyeska Resort.

Sunday was our first full day in Girdwood, AK.  As a big skiing family, we were full on planning to get on the first lift the moment they opened at 10:30.  As a hugely disorganized family, we were 15 minutes late.  My mom forgot to bring my ski boots to my room and after scrambling to find a room key, I finally made it to the slopes.

Our little mountain (Windham) in Upstate NY had nothing on Alyeska.  The view was breathtaking from the top (above the tree line).

So after skiing most of the day, we stopped at the Seven Glaciers restaurant at the top for a late lunch and drinks called "fizzys" (whose contents were a secret recipe).  Since I was skipping a week of school, I figured the responsible way to spend my afternoon was to sit by the pool as I worked on an assignment for my screenwriting class.

That night we sat at the hotel bar and played Fuck the Dealer while I very successfully avoided getting carded.

Monday consisted of more skiing.  Unfortunately, Alyeska gets an average of 700+ inches of snow a year, but this year they've only gotten around 350 (tragic, I know).  Monday was also incredibly cloudy and the conditions were icy.  It was disappointing, not going to lie, so my afternoon consisted of writing my medieval history paper.

That night, however, we played "Cards Against Humanity",  and if you don't know what that is, you're really missing out.

If you do know though, picture this: me, five of my cousins (ages 24-33), my cousins' friend, my mother, my aunt and my uncle - all playing with a grab back of shots of various types of alcohol. My aunt tended to lose a lot.

Tuesday morning came, and instead of waiting until 10:30 to start the day with skiing, we ventured out to the Girdwood Nature Preserve.  I love animals.  We drove a few miles to get to the preserve and passed Turnagain Arm (apparently they have Bore Tides there which is pretty cool - and yes I had to google what that was).

The view from the edge of the preserve

There were tons of animals there, including a couple black bears that had just woken up from hibernation.  Also this porcupine:

It looked furry not spiky 

(the spikes were hidden and I saw them later on)

There were also a few moose (meese, mooses? idk) and a ton of elk.  Our tour guide said that elk and reindeer are apparently the same thing, but a quick google search told me they weren't.  Hmm..

I named this one Rudolph

Wednesday was another ski day.  It snowed the entire day, which sucked for visibility, but improved the skiing conditions ten fold.  We ventured in to town that night for dinner.  And by town I mean the place with four restaurants, a bar and "America's Top Rated Laundramall".  There was also a place named "coasT pizza".  They used to sell Tacos and rearranged the letters for coasT pizza, only the "T" is still a capital letter.

We went to "Jack Sprat" for dinner, which consisted of delicious Alaskan salmon and wine (not Alaskan wine though).  All in all a good night.

Thursday was our last day at Alyeska, but definitely the longest.  After breakfast with my mom and my cousins Tom and Courtney, the four of us went dog sledding.  DEFINITELY one of the coolest things I've ever done.  Actually the entire day was one of the most amazing days I've ever had.

Mush!

We took turns sitting and standing in different positions on the sled, each having a turn to stand on the back.  Did you know sled dogs poop as they run?  Kinda gross, I know.  The dogs were all really nice though and would whine every time we stopped because they love running so much.

The four of us with the dogs

The last great thing I did in Alaska was go snowmobiling.  Now, I'd been snowmobiling before, but it could never compare to the 5 hour trip that we did in Alaska.

Geared up and ready to go

We went through frozen-over marshes and fields, between the valleys of mountains and out to a frozen lake until we reached a glacier.

The tip of an iceberg 

(only 10% is above the surface)

If I didn't know that the snowmobiling tour was a thing, I would have thought the entire area was completely devoid of mankind.  I don't think even pictures could describe how beautiful the glacier and whole experience was.

An ice tunnel we got to walk through

It was so blue!

That night we headed back to the Anchorage airport, followed by a layover in Denver before arriving at LaGuardia Friday afternoon (don't you love not getting sleep)?

While I don't think I could ever live in Alaska (way too many hours of darkness in the winter), I will definitely be returning, maybe next time in Summer?  Crazy awesome skiing, animals, more animals, glaciers and the most stunning views I've ever seen?  I will definitely be back.

Until next time Alaska.

Mom and I